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July 2019

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7 Ways to Play Nicely on Social Media

Like it or not, social media is a fixture as a communication vehicle. It means instant contact with individuals or massive numbers all at the same time. Useful on so many levels and amazing, but the media has issues surrounding security, anonymity, higher risk of being misunderstood, and obnoxious behavior. To play nicely, etiquette using the media comes down to common sense—the things you learned in kindergarten.


Keep It Relevant, Clear, and Short

Respond to the question, statement, or image, and avoid adding an extraneous rant—unless it’s entertaining. That also means you have to interpret the prompt accurately. Rabbit trails are great in live conversations, but annoying on timeline feeds. Choosing the right words can make a world of difference in how the message is received. Before you hit the send button, reread it and ask yourself, “Is this really what I want to say?” Thesaurus.com is your friend. Unless it’s an article, a website link, or a blog, which the reader can recognize up front, keep the comments short and to the point. “Brevity is the soul of wit (Hamlet, Act 2, Shakespeare).”


Review Prior Responses

Read former responses. Get a better idea of the various positions in the discussion. You may decide that it’s not worth jumping into the fray. If you have to take a side, you have some options. You can spend a lot of time, energy, and emotional capital on defending your position with people who are not going to change their minds no matter what you say. What a waste! Really, when the post is too much, understand that stupid or crazy may be fixable, but certainly not on a post. If want to opine and you don’t want to get into back-and-forth squabble, you can just click an icon.


Keep It Civil

Humor, sarcasm, and being snarky can be funny and entertaining when it’s obviously intended to be entertaining, but not when it is crude or a personal attack targeting another responder. You don’t need to vilify someone who does not agree with you. Address the issue without slinging mud at your friend’s friend. You’re not likely to change anybody’s mind about something—especially very controversial issues (baseball, politics, religion). When it gets too hot, it’s time to just delete it from your feed, and maybe even unfriend someone who keeps posting stuff that causes your ears to blow steam.


Images Speak Loud

While we’re on the subject of civility, consider the images. Who really wants to see someone you know in a hospital bed with tubes sticking out from every orifice imaginable? We get enough of that on TV but we know it’s fake. You want shock value to evoke pity, but can we at least be sensitive to the person who may not want the world to see all that drama? Recently I made a comment on a post that was railing against porn. I agreed with the sentiment. I commented that the accompanying risqué image intended as an example furthered the very thing the post was criticizing. The person posting it became very defensive and I used my delete option. Gotta love that button!

Check the Accuracy

You don’t want to look like a fool or ignoramus (not that I’m name-calling), and fake news is often made to look real. Information for fact checking is readily available, but get your information from reliable sources. If you can’t fact check, at least leave some wiggle room with words like maybe, sometimes, and possibly, or phrases like “I think” or “in my opinion.”

Grammar Matters

Unless you are posting in another language or to a specific audience, keep it in standard English and spelled correctly within reason. Typos do happen (the bane of writers) and there’s grace for that, but it’s hard to respect a post that needs translation within the same language. If this is a weak area, you can always write it on a word document, spell check and grammar check, fix what needs fixing, copy and post. It’s a bit of effort and you decide if it’s worth it. Oh, and remember that writing in all caps means you are SHOUTING.

Delete, Snooze, Block, Unfriend

If you don’t want to look like a jerk-by-association because someone else’s irritating response on your feed may imply that you agree with it, just get rid of it. Delete, snooze, block, and unfriend are okay. You have options. Don’t feel guilty when you have to use one of them. You are in control of your account.

We must remember that the internet is public and permanent. I can’t emphasize this enough. Be very careful posting images that identify children and their locations. Pedophiles are out there. Posting your vacation plans can mean an empty house and potential burglary. Images that embarrass or degrade someone are not only in bad taste, they are hurtful. Like I said, it’s all common sense. No condemnation. Just play nicely—or else! (hehehehehe)

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Copyright 2019 by Eva Benevento. All rights reserved.

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A Senior Just Sayin’

            Being a senior citizen is way over-rated, just sayin’. For the accumulation of surviving child-rearing, lifelong job stress, and overall life management, so many retirees come across as having earned the right to complain about how life was better when they were younger—even though the memory of better days past are only good in hindsight when the present gets too complicated or irrelevant. Hardships and injustices in times past are for lectures to the young about “when I was young, we had to _____  (you fill in the blank). That’s when the “good old days” were really the tough and gritty old days.

Nostalgia is a funny thing. You forget the things that made you cry when nobody was looking. You forget the reason you finally understood why there are speed limits on roads. You forget the reason why the high school reunion is more of a curiosity than a good time had by all. You’re glad that hair curlers are a thing of the past, but wonder why you thought big teased hair was attractive. You hide your high school yearbook—God forbid someone should actually see it—but wonder why it never made its way to the curb.

In our nostalgic reverie, we get very selective about the things that are lost to the present world, wanting to mentally relive the things that make us feel good—like when you can’t figure out what just happened to your computer, and how to navigate the insane world of phone apps. Hey, give me a break—I went to school with a fountain pen! Just recently I found myself explaining how a typewriter works to a group of college kids who had no clue.  Some things we either don’t see any more or if so, it’s rare enough to be a novelty. So, indulge me if I do a bit of reminiscing.

Dressing Up. Yep, people actually got dressed up in their “nice” clothes to go shopping, to religious services, to doctor appointments, whenever it meant leaving the house. Everybody wore hats—men, women, kids—and some were pretty outrageous. Gloves were part of the outfit, not only for winter warmth. Kids changed their school clothes into play clothes when they came home. Women mostly wore dresses, not pants. Many didn’t even own any. But you forget about using clear nail polish to stop a run in your nylons. Wearing provocative low cut or tight form-fitting clothing was a no-no that presumed naughty-not-nice character, which may still be true in some cases—hard to tell and I’m not going there. Perhaps a blog for another day.

People didn’t get uptight when a friend just dropped in unexpectedly. It didn’t matter that the house may have been a little disheveled. If you were cooking, you continued until you were finished while engaging in conversation. The friend pitched in and washed the dishes. If it was supper time, you just added more settings. No big deal. There was always room for one more. Saturday night was time for friends and family gatherings – a card game or watching a TV show together with a large bowl of popcorn. Society folk had cocktail parties, but not having grown up with the hoity-toity class, I only know about them from black and white movies.

Restaurants were fewer in number and fine dining out for the average family was reserved for very special occasions. A diner was a place where home-style cooking could be had for a reasonable price—not complicated. Diners now have menus that resemble the great American novel. It takes a full half hour to read the multiple pages and then decide on a BLT and coffee because a hundred choices are just too much. Luncheonettes offered simple but hearty breakfast and lunch menus, no dinner. Some department stores like Woolworths had lunch counters where you could grab a quick sandwich and apple pie. Ice cream parlors sometimes offered simple meals besides ice cream sundaes, cones, and milkshakes.

Today’s folks get together for dinner at a restaurant, but back then, people had dinner parties at home. It put a lot of pressure on women to prepare a killer meal (not literally) with the right accouterments. Yep, women most often did the cooking. Men now share some of that, but I’m not sure that’s changed as much as we think. Dining etiquette was expected—no boarding house reach, no eating with fingers, and no chewing with open mouths “like a cow.” Families actually ate together every evening where kids learned table manners and dining conversation. Imagine having dinner without cell phones in hand.

Kid culture was more outside than in. Street roller skating (the kind that needed a key to tighten the skate on your shoes), hopscotch, box ball, punch ball, stickball, all kinds of tag, and rope jumping rhymes were taught by kids for kids. Play dates did not exist and nobody feared being kidnapped. Here’s where you learned the balance between winning and fairness. Nobody expected a trophy for showing up.

And then there were the safety patrol kids who stood on critical corners charged to help other kids cross safely. They were identified by their special white patrol belts. It was very cool to be a patrol kid. Now senior citizens get to wear the patrol vests and carry stop signs to stop traffic for pedestrians. Maybe they were patrol kids.  

Lots of other things define a time long gone – milk bottles regularly delivered in a special box at your door. Local newspapers flung on your doorstep by a kid on a bike or walking with a huge newspaper bag was common. Every local hair salon had its special uniform for its employees. I could go on and on, but quaint has short appeal. I’ve come to the conclusion that life is not just surviving until you get to collect Social Security.

The promise of the “golden years” as a destination is like a ring in your jewelry box that was 10K gold filled—shiny but worthless. Being a senior is not a destination. It has challenges just as youth and middle age did, only now they are different. Even though I get nostalgic now and then, I don’t want to waste time commiserating about how great things were. I want to enjoy the best of the present. I get to “bust my buttons” about every little thing my grown kids do that make me so proud of them. I get to believe that my adorable little granddaughter has a bright future and I get to be a part of that. The conclusion is pretty simple: LIFE IS ALWAYS GOOD.

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